The Devil Enters a Defence

“Good morning, Mr. Devil.”

“Good morning, sir. Please permit me to say two things: kindly just call me Devil given that there is no evidence that I am male … or female. In addition, please understand that while I understand that you are presiding over this Court, I will not refer to you as ‘my lord’. I only reference one individual as such: the Almighty God. I will therefore refer to you as sir or Mr. Justice if ok with you.”

“I won’t make an issue out of all you said. Let’s proceed. You have been questioned by your counsel and the counsels to the plaintiffs. As you are aware, the plaintiffs are seeking for damages against you for the hurts, abuse, wrongful acts, unlawful acts, immoral conducts and so on you had, and continue to subject them to.”

“Thank you for the recap, sir. I have been unjustly accused of all sorts since I was created.”

“I will seek clarifications on some of the issues. Let me start with the claim by the man who said you caused him to betray his political benefactor. Please provide short responses since you had previously provided comprehensive evidence.”

“That was not a question sir. It was a statement.”

“You are correct Devil. How do you respond to his claim?.”

“My counsel was able to establish when the man was cross examined that he was influenced by his best friend, Traitor.”

“Another blamed you for influencing him to kill his employer. Your response please?.”

“I am not even an influencer yet. The man missed his way the minute he started taking advice from a man known in the neighbourhood as Drug Alcohol Addiction. He started carrying out DAA’s instructions.”

“Do you have a response to the woman who had poured hot water on her husband’s girlfriend and had blamed you for her actions?.”

“Ah! I wasn’t even there. I only read in the newspapers that despite her husband’s objections, she allowed Jealousy to reside in their home.”

“Then you have Mr. B, known for abusing his spouse, who accused you of being responsible for his actions. What do you say to that.?”

“His business partner named Anger is responsible. Sir, you can verify by making Anger your friend too … for a day.”

“Don’t be insulative if you don’t want to go to jail.”

“My apology sir.”

“Sitting across from you is Chief F who accused you of making him embezzle the public funds in his care. Is that true?”

“It is not sir. He forgot that he is married to three women named Lies, Greed, and Pride. What good can come out of such home?.”

“How about the young lady sitting across from you who informed her parents that you are responsible for her failures at school?.”

“As my counsel did, please ask her again why she keeps Lazy as her boyfriend. They are always together despite warnings from relations that truly care for her.”

“I can go on and on given the numbers of plaintiffs here but the question is, why you?.”

“I ask the question all the time too. Every family, friend, staff, colleague, contractor, politician, employer, professional and others is represented here. While they focus on me, they take their eyes off their relationships with the guys I just mentioned. There are many others I have not mentioned including lust, sloth, avarice, and vainglory. I state vehemently that I have no role in their issues. Often, they use my name to curry favour, sympathy, forgiveness, understanding or support.”

“But there is a saying that links you with negatives, food and spoon.”

“Sir, that is part of the fraud against me. I have never eaten with any of them either with long or short spoons. They won’t share except with their mentioned friends.”

“What do you ask for from the Court?”

“Like my counsel said, that you kindly dismiss their case against me and mandate them to leave me alone. Rather, they should be made to embrace love, forthrightness, justice, equity, temperance, fortitude, prudence, listening skills, care, faith, and hope.”

“Thank you, Mr. Devil. You may step out of the witness box.”

“It is Devil sir, and I am innocent. Thank you.”